It’s been six months since I started down my Lyme journey, and I’ve learned so many different ways to manage my symptoms and my health. My experience reminds me of when my daughter first learned how to walk: one foot in front of the other, slowly bobbing and weaving forward, trying to get ahead without falling.
I can remember standing at my back door this past Winter, looking at the snow piled up over my garden. It broke my heart to think that I wouldn’t be working in it the following Spring. Thankfully, I proved myself wrong. But it wasn’t without taking little baby steps every day-even when I wasn’t feeling like doing anything but laying down.
Once the warmer weather hits, I like to wake up each morning and check out my garden. I like to see where the sun is hitting, noting which perennials are coming back to life and which ones should be moved so they get the most sun. Sometimes, I photograph my flowers, and I mentally note the progress others. On Friday, I worked at edging my garden for over an hour, without stopping to rest. I can remember when, back in the winter, I tried vacuuming a 5×7 carpet in my house for a few minutes. That minute task sent me to the couch for a few hours! So being in my garden for a good length of time, with a laborious task at hand, was not only a huge improvement, but also a sign to me that I am on the right track towards healing.
It’s not been an easy process, being that I’ve had to seek out other natural practitioners for help. It is a costly part of my healing, since none of my practitioners take my insurance. But I’ve gotten better advice, support, and more importantly, better health over time, than what I received from my insurance-covered medical doctors that I sought out early on. My small gains in health have been worth every check I’ve had to write out these past few months. Each month has led me down a different path to healing, one which I wouldn’t have ever encountered if I hadn’t gotten Lyme.
I was out of work for 5 months, and thankfully, I had enough sick time accumulated that I was able get paid. I went back to visit my students and colleagues on the last day of school a week ago. It was so good to see everyone, and I burst into tears when I hugged my principal.
My kids’ reactions were priceless. Some hugged me, others were noticeably more excited and talkative with me, and one little boy just kept giving my side glances with a “Why are you here?” look on his face. It made me laugh inside, but it also made me realize my kids weren’t “my kids” anymore. They had changed so much since when I left because they had a different teacher in my place for so long. Little things that I taught them, like our snack song before eating, or reciting a chant for getting lined up calmly and quietly, seemed to have been forgotten. They were one of the best classes of my career, and I sadly had to pass the reigns to a sub this year. It was a hard decision, but one that I had to follow through on if I wanted to get healthier.
Even though I have much more energy, I know that I am still healing and have more healing to do. I must keep on top of my food, fluid, and supplement intake every day to continue feeling better. I still have brain fog and need to write down even the smallest of items to remember or most mundane of tasks to complete. You can’t ask me where something is and expect a quick search and rescue response like in my pre-Lyme days. I am still limited in what I can eat, and it hampers going out to restaurants or when we entertain at home. We had company here last night and my husband made a dozen pizzas in our pizza oven while I ate my kale, broccoli, sausage, and garlic meal. I miss eating my favorite foods, but it is a small price to pay when I know other Lyme victims are hospitalized, suicidal, or even dead.
I am thankful that I am out and about, and not standing in my doorway, eyeing my garden and wishing to be out there, pruning and weeding.
Even if it has meant, and continues to mean, taking baby steps to get there.