At the start of all of my medical adventures, I was so weary. Tired didn’t explain it and fatigue was the medical word out there, but that still didn’t feel right to me. Exhausted wasn’t quite correct, either. Weary seemed to capture some of what I was feeling. It didn’t matter how much sleep I got, I still felt as weary as I did when I went to bed.
We had a funeral service to attend in January in Rhode Island. I had just been diagnosed with Lyme, so I was really in the infancy of my learning about this illness. We planned on staying over night, and it was during this event that I actually didn’t sleep for a full day. My body was just awake. I didn’t feel weary, exhausted, or even tired. I took two melatonin pills that night to fall asleep because I knew my body needed the extra help to do so.
After I took my medical leave from work, I would try to do some of my normal routine and get up to make my daughter’s lunch and breakfast, then go back to bed for a few hours. I was that weary from just doing those two every day activities. It was mind-blowing to me. I was used to doing 3 or 4 things at once, and now I was reduced to being in my pajamas and so, so weary… All. The. Time.
I can remember thinking about the previous summer and how I would be tired, but not weary. I wished I could turn back the clock to those few months, but I knew that could never happen. When you’re sick, it doesn’t really help you to think back to when you were healthy. It just adds to your misery and confusion.
As a mother, and I think many are like this, I feel I need to be in charge of everything “motherly”, like food, clothing, homework, and cleaning. My husband had to take over much of these duties early on for me, because I just didn’t have the stamina to do any of my normal 492 motherly activities. At times, they weren’t done the way I would do them, but who really cares in the end? Just me. There isn’t a house police force inspecting how and when the laundry is done, nor is there a food inspector checking on how and when groceries are purchased. The leaves will get raked or just decay…who really cares? And the kitchen floor could use a good scrubbing….but it’s just going to get dirty anyway, right?
In March, I remember seeing some leaves by our back door that I wanted to rake. That half hour job put me on the couch for 2 hours! After that, I went to see a naturopath because I just couldn’t stand feeling like that after such a mundane activity.
I am feeling better now that I am seeing my naturopath, and I do see a difference in my energy level that I didn’t have back in January. But I still get tired as my body adjusts to its new chemistry, and I realize that I will need to be my own best doctor. When I need to rest, I need to do it, regardless of what other duties I think I need to complete. My health will only improve when I take care of myself.
No one likes to be tired, but it beats being weary.
Yours in Lyme Adventures,